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So you think working for a living is lame? So yesterday? Or if your phone provider is AT&T, just too 5 seconds ago? AT&T TV Commercial — Tailgate LTE (HTC Vivid) . Great. I’m here to help. Here’s a solid instructional on how not to get a job.

• Come 10 minutes late. Or an hour early. These days, arriving any earlier than 15 minutes in advance of a scheduled interview is a faux-pas. Not as bad as getting there late, but not good. If, hypothetically, you were to want a job that you arrive half an hour early (reasonable if you need to allow for travel delays) burn 15 minutes in the nearest coffee shop. Don’t forget the mints!
• Come dressed as Barney, or choose any other inappropriate attire. Unless a job specifies a casual atmosphere, or you’re applying for a mall Santa position, you can’t go wrong with more formal dress over casual options. If you’re offered the job, you can always take it down a notch for your day-to-day.
• Keep your cell phone ringer on during an interview. Arrange so that a friend calls/texts, or both. This will a) make you look popular b) guarantee that you don’t get the job. Perfect! Employers have indicated that one of the most common rising problems they encounter when conducting interviews is behavior that fits this description. Holding up a finger to your interviewer as your phone rings so that you can take a personal call while your interviewer waits will not win you points. You can let your incoming calls go to voicemail for 1 hour out of your day. Really.
• At AVID, our job placements are exclusively technical, so interviews will contain questions about performing an IT role. If you’re applying for a Java Developer role, and you don’t have a clue as to how to guide your interviewer through your thought process and steps taken to respond to various technical scenarious — congratulations! You won’t be on anyone’s call-back list — your technical recruiter will know enough about the requirements of the role not to recommend you to the hiring manager in the first place, so you won’t have a chance to make multiple analogies to the fashion industry in a formal interview setting (or whatever it is that really interests you instead of technology).

So that’s it, folks! The above rules are your foolproof guide to guaranteed unemployment and a phone that never rings (unless it’s your friend, again). If you should be so foolish as to want a job, try to avoid engaging in any of these behaviors. They won’t do you any favors in your job hunt.